How My Story Started

I found out about the marrow registry about two years ago when a high school classmate was in need of a donor. Mutual friends put the word out on facebook and registry drives were planned. I had an appointment to donate blood so at my next blood donation I asked to be swabbed for the marrow registry. I filled out a brief form with my contact info and let them stick a q-tip in my mouth. It took about two minutes of my time. Periodically I got emails reminding me to update my contact info for the registry which helped me remember to update my status when I was pregnant with my second child and temporarily ineligible for donation, but for the most part I didn't think about it for two years.

Then, I got a call. A sweet lady named Arlene called from my state blood institute to let me know that I had been identified as a possible match. They wanted to confirm that I was willing and to collect additional blood samples for further testing. At that point I felt like the odds of me being chosen as the one were probably slim so I didn't get too excited. Arlene emailed me an online self evaluation with the standard blood donor questions. Having never slept with a prostitute, injected IV drugs, or traveled to Europe in the 90's I passed with flying colors.

Additional Testing
When I showed up at the blood clinic to give the samples they were no less than delighted to see me which made me think that this kind of additional testing didn't happen as often as I had assumed. As I left the lady who collected my blood (not Arlene) thanked me for my willingness to continue the process and said something about how exciting it was for them to find someone who said yes. That really struck me so I asked if she got a lot of no's. She explained that sometimes people sign up and then aren't healthy enough to donate once called or sometimes people sign up to donate for a specific person, but are not willing to donate for a stranger and then there are people who just change their minds. That floored me. Someone who has already agreed to be a donor changes their mind or decides that they are not willing to donate for just anybody when they are told they are a match. I immediately imagined having that conversation with a potential donor and I am fairly certain that I would not be a good marrow center representative.  I just can't imagine knowing that there is someone in the world who matches you like a special snowflake and they are dying. They can't be saved without your cells. You are the needle in the haystack, and you aren't interested.  I can't even comprehend how anyone allows themselves to say no in that situation.

About a month went by and I heard nothing. The registry staff prepared me for the possibility that donation wasn't a sure thing. Maybe the patient's doctor decided to pursue a different course of action, maybe I wasn't the best match, maybe the patient wasn't healthy enough for donation. Privacy policies meant that they didn't know much and my only job was to wait and be ready. I was out running errands when I got the second call from Arlene. They wanted to schedule my donation and send me for the complete physical. I jotted details on a receipt I found in my car. My match was a 38 year old male with lymphoma. It's odd how easily you can personalize such vague information. My husband is 38 so immediately I thought of a family like mine and imagined how we would cope with an illness like that in our family. I wondered if he had kids and imagined how I might explain something like that to my own young children. I thought about the countless nights spent at the hospital and about my oldest child who gets clingy when daddy goes on a three day business trip.